“Never ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer to.” That simple truth brought me back to my very first day as a preschool teacher—a day full of hope, nerves, and gentle lessons I still carry with me.
It was circle time and I asked the children to gather at the circle rug and sit down crisscross. Gina sat on her knees on the corner of the rug. “Well at least she is sitting,” I said to myself.
After the short circle time, I directed the children to different play stations. Gina was directed to the sand table, but headed to the art table. She didn’t ask; she just said in a matter-of-fact manner, “I want to color."
Because I knew that coloring was good for Gina’s fine motor development, I allowed her to change to this activity.
Gina didn’t want the crayons set out on the table; she wanted the markers on the shelf. I rationalized that markers and crayons were both good tools for fine motor skills, so what did it matter? So, I took the markers off the shelf for Gina.
I Asked a Question I Had No Right to Ask
Now it was time to clean up for snack time. I asked, “Who wants to clean up for snack time?”
Uh-oh…the first of many meltdowns for Gina began. By the end of my first week, Gina’s influence and power in the classroom grew to a level of Supreme Leader. Gina needed to have it all her way.
Power Struggles at Every Turn
Following the daily schedule became a series of power struggles always ending in tears - sometimes Gina’s, sometimes mine.
My ECE Books Had Not Prepared Me
Nothing I had learned in earning my ECE degree had prepared me for Gina. So, I thought about it. Was it fair to let Gina think she had a choice, when in reality, she didn’t?
When I finally had to lay down the law about cleaning up, poor Gina was not amused. Honestly, with all the choices I’d given her—where to sit, how to sit, what to play, what to use—I’m surprised she didn’t request a seat on the preschool board of directors.
By giving Gina so many options, I accidentally taught her that she knew what was best for her day. I taught Gina to think she knew best.
A Good Teacher Needs to Have the Authority
This was when and how my teaching philosophy began. I no longer offered endless choices to my preschool class.
Snack time was no longer up for debate; it was simply served. I did not ask students if they wished to wear their coats; I just helped them put them on. I didn’t end my sentences with “Okay?” or beg for compliance.
Children Could Count on Me to be the Adult
Naturally, Gina protested strongly; she refused to play, she refused to eat, crossed her arms and stuck out her chin.
But the strangest thing happened when she realized I wouldn’t change the snack choice, despite her protests. She didn’t starve, the food amazingly vanished, and she chose to eat the snack of the day.
Happiness Comes When Authority is Released
By the end of my third week as preschool teacher, things were calm and relaxed. Gina had accepted not having choices as a regular part of life in my classroom. In the classroom, routine was a relief for her.
Gina was happier without needing to make all the decisions herself.
Age-Appropriate Choices
Now, that doesn’t mean I didn’t give her any choices. Once Gina was used to our daily routine, I started offering her small, age-appropriate choices like, “What color would you like to color the sky?” or “Would you like the red cup or the blue cup?“
Offering these kinds of choices exhibited to Gina my respect for her decisions and individual taste.
So, my advice when asked is to give only age-appropriate choices. Appropriate choices help children build self-confidence and develop their individual personalities.
Giving children too many choices can cause them a great deal of stress and instantly diminishes your authority.
Foundations are Built on Limited Choices
Decision-making is a big responsibility, and preschool-age children need to learn that skill gradually. By setting the schedule, the activity, and the expectation, you will establish a good foundation that children can build on.
When a child respects an adult and trusts them to guide them and make decisions, they can relax and learn.
And remember, when giving choices, “Never ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer to.”
Want to learn more about New Covenant Preschool? Contact us today.
